I feel like something profound is going to happen. Something good and I think that my little blog, the blog that no one reads (and that's ok!!!), that is just sitting out there in the internets giving me some small space in which to express myself, has helped.
This has also been, for me, a results oriented blog. There is a task that I wish to accomplish - moving to New York - and there specific steps that I need to take in order to get there. Many of those steps are not straight forward, but they at least involve forward movement. It is such a positive outlook. It is positively un-me.
Maybe that's why it's working.
Yesterday I took, what I think at least, is the biggest step of all. I made an appointment with a therapist. I said some words out loud that i never thought I could: childhood trauma, sexual abuse, an incarcerated parent. I feel so much lighter just for having said those things over the phone to the woman doing the intake, I can't imagine how talking to the actual therapist will feel.
I've always felt like I have been operating at about a third of my full capacity. I feel like I have the potential for greatness if I could just tap into that part of me that has been inaccesseble.
Ready to get the party started,